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I should have known the date was going to be a disaster when he suggested we meet in Midtown. In those days we used to say we got a nosebleed if we ventured above 14th Street. Having only lived in New York for about a year, I still regarded the men here like a zoologist observing a new species in the wild: utterly fascinated, but also acutely aware that I could be bitten in the ass at any moment.
Getting to grips with the finer points of the mating rituals in the city, however, would prove a lot tougher than picking up the vocabulary. What I did know from my limited research was that New York men were far more forward than their London counterparts and, like Kenny, many of them could sniff out a new girl in town from a mile away. I spent the hour before hopelessly roaming the dance floor in search of Femi, who was promoting a neo-soul party in the Meatpacking District to supplement her underpaid internship at an ad agency downtown.
With his all-black uniform and dark sunglasses, Kenny had a brooding allure, something like Wesley Snipes in Blade. When Kenny showed up for our date the following Thursday in a saggy gray suit and tie, the overall impression was more secondhand car salesman than superhero. Under the too-bright recessed lighting of an anonymous hotel bar on Broadway, his overly manicured facial hair had a whiff of disingenuous creep, too. Still, I wanted to believe that there might be a kind soul hiding inside his billowy shell.
Maybe I could forgive him for butchering my Nigerian name, but this awkward gesture seemed beyond the pale, unless the dog-eared MTA pamphlet was part of some ironic gag. To pivot away from this misstep, he hurriedly ordered us drinks—a Cosmo for me because Sex and the City , a Jack Daniels and Coke for him—and then proceeded to rifle through a gigantic binder of handouts.
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But what it will help you get is some perspective — because dating in NYC isn’t like dating anywhere else in the country. So if you’re struggling, just know it isn’t you. It’s NYC. Or because you really want that summer share in the Hamptons. Or someone to call “babe” every Sunday morning at brunch at The Smith. Or literally any other wrong reason imaginable.
That happens. Some people are dating purely for the stories, whether they know it or not. Good luck with that.
Thirty, 50, 70 years ago, dating in the city set itself to a different tune: There were phone calls! From landlines! Blind dates!
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